I have weeks at a time when I feel that every free moment has to be devoted to studying or writing or doing something for class, and plan it as such in my head calendar. Of course, this never ends up being the case. What’s weird is that I have some of the most wonderful experiences when I’m not doing what I should be doing. I read blogs, I discover new sites (which sounds boring to some, I’m sure, but the reason I love it is because there are beautiful, beautiful people behind each and every one of those pieces of writing), I read so much poetry it starts leaking out of my ears and mixing together in the word-bath that is my brain.
Honestly, it just makes me so… exultant! (Thanks, Joyce, for something at least).
I read this wonderful post about grace by a notorious fashion blogger named The Sartorialist today. He usually puts up stunning pictures of people full of grace and style and character, but today this post blew me away when I read it because I think that a lot of young guys these days don’t realize this. The ones that do instantaneously stand apart from the others because they are so modest in their strength that you feel absolutely stunned at them and at the same time want to tear their clothes off (I know, how crass, whatever. You were thinking it too… think like.. James Dean, George Clooney, Antonio Banderas [all men I would donate my womb to in an instant]).
Anyway, while the post was great, the responses just melted my heart. I had to put mine there too, as I do have someone to be incredibly proud of to call my Boyfriend. As you might know if you’ve been reading this blog, or just, you know, know me in person or something, we’ve been having a rough time of it lately. Winter does not become us in the least, or definitely not in the past two years, anyway. But, you know, there’s moments in my life that I tend to rise up over my petty grudges and unhappinesses and just let who I am be, despite having it misconstrued sometimes. I am not a pushover in the least, my friends. In fact, I am more stubborn than I would care to be very very often, but sometimes I have that goodness. Sometimes it comes out. And I guess (although you’ll have to confirm it with The Boyfriend), that’s why he loves me. Or at least why he surreptitiously attempted to bring me a whole vat of flowers last night, just for being there for him lately.
Maybe it’s not modest of me to post that all over the internet, but the point is that he remembered this.. it’s not even a flower, guys, it’s like a branch with little fluffy pods on them that open in the spring in Russia. They are EVERYWHERE come springtime in Moscow and I miss them so much here and I mayhaps mentioned it to him like once, a long long time ago, and guess what? They were in the flowers.
So. You know, I decided to share that. But honestly, go look at the comments for that post because one after the other they will just brighten up your day. It doesn’t even have to do with romantic relationships (although that was his focus), it’s just about kindnesses and grace in everyday life. It’s always SO called for and yet very rarely occurs. Those sort of things just make me want to be better everyday.
And me wanting to be better just reminds me of good things in my life. One day I will have to write about the Beirut concert I went to last year. Holy hell, was it ever magnificent. (Seriously, how can you not love that? It’s like.. epiphany in person. Like everything I didn’t need to know is coming clear and everyone is beautiful and has honesty to spare and wine to drink and sheets to lay in).
As for my useful and inspiring procrastination-filled day, I even managed to play some guitar this morning and go to the gym. I worked on my essays, obviously. In fact, I spent the whole morning reading, but I just kind of suck at carrying things through very far. The point is that I still have 3 more early days to complete this assignment (oops, and Sunday), which is like, a week. And then I have another extra Tuesday next week to polish up the essay I worked on today. It’ll be okay. I’m not going anywhere and this week is rocking so far.
Friday The Boyfriend and I are going to a look-how-cool-and-thoughtful-your-girlfriend-is concert : Masters of Persian Music. When I bought the tickets months and months ago as a premature present for our two year anniversary (because of course otherwise I would panic and get nothing, and be disappointing, and I couldn’t afford to be on this most exciting of days), I double checked with him that the artists were people he knew and loved, because otherwise it would have been a flop. It still would have been a flop if I didn’t ask him because I suck at keeping secrets. So I would have told him one way or another. That’s one thing I suck at. Not secrets in general, but like, keeping exciting things to myself that I want to surprise people with. In fact, I tend to give a lot of birthday presents early to people (ie. when I get them), because I get excited about what I got them and want them to get excited with me. Thus – early gifts. (Or sometimes late, but those don’t count).
I’m super excited for this concert and I know he’s pumped too. Whenever I think about it I do a little dance in my head to commemorate how awesome I can be sometimes.
But then I remember my essays.
Hm…. one of these days I will find out the right things to feel guilty for, I’m sure. Until then, enjoyment of all and worrying about none.
Okay, maybe I’ll go work on my essay a bit more now, but now I just want to write it about Beirut… *sigh*
Fine, FINE I’ll stay on topic.
Damn. There are so many great things in this world to write about.
I hope you know of some!
I hope you write of some.
-Arina
