internal reality

I would totally write more things but I’ve been busy looking for real life from the comfort of my bed. I don’t know whether many of you have attempted this but it’s quite difficult, let me tell you. Especially when you head is wrapped in pages from Madame Bovary, thus ensuring that your eyes are closed to the little inconsistencies in the storyline of your daily life, and you only wear comfy clothes while buying bags and bags full of clothes to be worn outside the home. 

What I’m trying to say here is that I’m having a hard time finding reasons to go outside and wear clothes. I’ve reverted into primordial status and fantasy. Give me a club and have me act out “Ugga ugga” and we should be good to go.

I’ve been battling this awful sore throat for much too long – more than a week at this point – and it is really starting to drag me down to the dumpster. Every day I feel like I’m getting better only to wake up the next morning to realize that the brain matter I had so steadfastly worked to increase over my meagre 20 years has disintegrated into mucus, and fills my head whole. Also, I’m probably addicted to the internet and my money is slowly oozing out of my bank account.

In the meantime, I’ve managed to finally finish Dawson’s Creek, thus realizing my alter-persona’s happiness (Joey ends up with Pacey, thank the good people who wrote the damn show already). I’ve also come to see that I identify with nerdy, albeit witty, white chicks in my tv shows. They are usually brunette.

Cases in point:

Jessica Stroup: 90210

Katie Holmes: Dawson's Creek

Alexis Bledel: Gilmore Girls

Clearly, I have issue. Anyone planning on being a psychologist when they grow up, but are still in undergrad and therefore doling out free psychiatric advise from the safety of their dorm room? Also, notice that I used their real names instead of their character names in the captions. Maybe I’m just in love with all of them. They’re just all so beautiful and endearing, guys!

I need to go do something with my life now, think about birthday presents. Orrrr I could study for my American Literature exam, which is on Tuesday.

The choices, the choices.

A

PS. I so promise to write something of substance soon. Just give me till Tuesday to melt my brain matter.

after a year of health, i get this?

Really, life?  The last time (I looked it up in my blog database) I was sick was in APRIL OF LAST YEAR. I mean, kudos to me for that shit, but why now? My birthday is so soon, and I’ve got so many (exciting!) things starting.

• Writing for the Arb(itrage Magazine) as a staff writer
• Leading little babes (3-6 year olds) through the Carol Wainio exhibition at the Varley
• Finishing 3rd year exams
• Starting a Techniques of Persuasion course (only I could be excited about something like this)

All that hurts is my throat and I’m already extrapolating the awfulness that comes with being sick. The heavy head, the clogged nasal passages, the fatigue. The inability to study anything worthwhile.

Okay, that last one is a lie. I wasn’t studying anything worthwhile while I was healthy, but at least I had the option to. The fact that I no longer have a choice to study things (like oh, for my exam on Saturday) makes me a very very angry English student.

I just don’t see how this is proper universal retribution for eating healthy, working on my fitness, and FORGETTING TO WEAR A SCARF ONE GODDAMN TIME IN WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE “SPRING.”

Canada, youse a mean bitch.

A.

“kiss me, beneath the milky twilight”

If I hit my summer low 2 weeks into my summer, there’s only room for improvement, right?

I have: no internship, no plans, no physical non-pain.  I am watching “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” – the absolute wallowing movie frommmmm the 90′s? The 00′s?  I don’t know, but I do know I bought this movie sometime after my period started and before I rediscovered how to use black eyeliner (as in, to have it NOT lining my entire eyelid).  So, well, that says enough about what this movie is to me.  Now, it’s almost enough Matthew McConaughey NOT to warrant a viewing of Sweet Home Alabama all illegal and streamed online, but just not at that “I want to puke and still bang him at the same time” level quiiiite yet.

favourite pre-sex scene ever.

I was going to go to uni, but, well, fuck that, I have cramps and “Ben Barry”… so I’m going to figure that all out another day.

That’s all I got kids.  I hate shit right now.  Except stupid romantic comedies of the early 2000′s.

Those I love. You should too.

-Arina

thinking about food when I can’t eat

Yeah, so this is what I get for trying to help a girl out – puking, work, puking, sleep.  A co-worker (Usual Daytime Girl) of mine mentioned how she was sick on Thursday and I thought – well! Why the hell not! So I worked Thursday night, went to bed a little tired/hungry, and then woke up Friday morning only to have no car, no ride to work, and a grumbling belly.

That belly turned my banana and cereal inside out about an hour after waking, at which point my mommy phoned and said she could drop me to work.  Of course, I told her my dilemma.  I didn’t want to NOT go because I always have incredible guilt trips about letting down people that depended on me to work (plus the barlady of the Friday really wanted me to work, since she respects my mad serving skillz), but I just puked up my breakfast, and then some.  I hate the feeling of letting people down.  Seriously.  I feel like if I promise something, I better freaking come through.  My boyfriend is not of the same mindset and when I called him halfway through my shift with “Uhh.. I feel like throwing up” he just asked me why the hell I went to work in the first place.  Well, to tell you the truth I thought the banana was the culprit, and since it was now out of my system, I figured that it would all be okay.

Well, my friends. It was not.  I was groggy and nauseous all day, and if you know our bar, you know that Friday lunchtime is EPICLY busy – like you can’t turn your head without finding something else to do busy.  And then after that you get the happy hour crowd – but I didn’t manage to stick around till then.  Friday Barlady kept telling me how sick I look and on and thank goodness Friday Evening Waitress came early because I would have died if I had to stay there till 5.  I ate like 3 cracked 4 hours after work and barfed em aaaaaaaaaaallllllllllll up. Along with the charcoal that my mom made me eat to “clean my intestines”.  I wish I were kidding.  It made my puke like a deep green/black.  I totally didn’t realize why until my mom told me – I was freaking out prior to that because I thought like my entire insides had ruptured and somehow sucked in all the second-hand smoke I’d ever breathed and coloured all my organs and I was dying.

Anyway – at least I earned some serious change yesterday – when the new bar owners come into power (sounds like some sort of coup-d’etat) I hope I can convince them to give me a few day shifts in the summer so I can earn some more cash and help Day Barlady make some more green as well.  I mean – better servers make more money – and I am a better server with no more school to hinder me.

Anyway, today is rest day, which in my life means that it is time to start writing/researching for my final English essay.  Also The Boyfriend will pop by to cheer me up (although I’m pretty cheerful as is, not having thrown up my Turkey Noodle Soup sans Turkey), which will be nice.  When I told him I spent all night yesterday looking up recipes/restaurants and planning menus for the summer he, I imagined gave me a very confused plus exhasperated face, like “You’re-throwing-up-any-morcel-of-food-you-eat-and-are-still-looking-for-food-online?”  But I mean, I can’t help it.  I ate 3 FRIGGEN CRACKERS and they left the same way they came.

Nom nom nom.

No satisfaction.  Whereas the joy from my favourite Korean side, Kimchi, and the absolute thrill of making it yourself is absolutely palpable.  I also love Orzo salads…. They’re like pasta that look like rice but are fantastic when kicked up with some feta and olives. Drool.  Doesn’t it look delicious?

When I get my birthday camera I’m sooo going to start taking pictures of my food.  Since I actually cook pretty well.  And LOVE eating.

Oh, eating. I miss thou.

-Arina

giving in

Hey all,

I’m sick.  Nose as clogged as a kiwi’s sink, throat singing soreness behind all the mucus, wonderful shit.

I was supposed to go to class today but SINCE I got a training session at The Artisan (pub) tomorrow, I figured I needed to use today to recuperate.  Class isn’t that important anyway, and my friend sent me the assignment that’s due on the 14th, so I’m free to drink herbal tea, eat Vitamin C like it’s sugar, and blow my nose repeatedly.

I got the callback from Artisan’s manager half an hour after I left, and it’s very exciting, I’m not going to lie.  The Duchess is also a place I’m interested in working, but they’re calling within the next two weeks, so I’m banking on seeing what The Artisan is like first.  It’s nice to feel like you have some sort of control over where you work.  As in, I’m good at what I do and if I don’t like it here, I can find another job, sort of control.

Another exciting thing is I finally caved and got Twitter, after talking to Roger Gillespie from the Toronto Star last night.  My friend Sheida and I went to this Networking Gala held by the Communications Students Society… Association at York, and it was for Communications students and Professional Writing students to meet professionals in Broadcasting, Advertising, Marketing, Public Relations, and Writing and Publishing.  While I wasn’t incredibly impressed with the overall flow of the evening (I wish I had more time/more rotational movement happening so I could talk to more people), I loved the people I did end up talking to.  Two things were encouraging and surprising: blogs are helpful, portfolio wise (not to everyone of course, but if the Star is doing it…), and you can do a lot more writing on the side if you’re not bogged down by stereotypical dreams of novelist or poet.  I write. I am a writer, and I can write my way into and out of anything you want me to.

So, technical/institutional writing doesn’t sound so bad anymore, even though I doubt that’s the stream I’ll be going into.

Maybe social networking isn’t the worst way to get myself out there!

I’ve decided to take full opportunity of DigitalJournal, in terms of publishing news stories…I think that’ll be fantastic once I get a hold of it.

That’s all I got for now, except that I’ve been watching How to Make it in America lately (since, clearly, I’ve been in love with Bryan Greenberg since One Tree Hill days) and it’s nice, raw, good kind of show.  We’ll see how it pans out.  My friend has an awesome review of it up on MuchMusic… check it ouutttttt.  But really, Bryan Greenberg.  I had a full on meltdown in highschool about being worried that I would become a cat lady if this man wouldn’t marry me.

I eat you.

Mmm….

Bryan Greenberggggg…….

Okay, I guess it’s time to go drink some of that tea I keep on thinking about.  I have a +12hour day ahead of me, time to make myself aaaaalllll better.

-Arina